ONE year ago we lost you.
ONE year ago we said our goodbyes.
ONE year ago my heart was completely broken.
ONE year ago was the day we all cried.
ONE year ago my grandmother was shattered.
ONE year ago I saw my family's pain.
ONE year ago we were sitting in your small home.
ONE year ago in your chair you laid.
ONE year ago we all sobbed for you.
ONE year ago you took your last breath.
ONE year ago marks a horrible day.
ONE year ago was the day of your death.
ONE year ago my life changed forever.
TODAY remembering ONE year ago my heart breaks all over again.
Friday, February 5, 2010
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Friday, January 8, 2010
Thinking of you :)
Grandpa,
I have been missing you so much lately. I was to the point to where if I heard a song on the radio that reminded me of you I would enjoy it, but specifically this week they've been making me sad. I heard a country song where it said something about an old man in a hospital bed and it made me angry. Angry due to the fact that it made me think of you that way, thinking of you so sick in the hospital and at home. I try to push my memories of you being sick out of my mind. I want to remember you when you were well because to picture you sick again breaks my heart. I want to remember you as my loving, adorable grandpa who would laugh at his own jokes. Grief seems to be this roller coaster that you ride up and down, so I guess I'm just a little down at the moment.
I love you and I miss you,
Sis
I have been missing you so much lately. I was to the point to where if I heard a song on the radio that reminded me of you I would enjoy it, but specifically this week they've been making me sad. I heard a country song where it said something about an old man in a hospital bed and it made me angry. Angry due to the fact that it made me think of you that way, thinking of you so sick in the hospital and at home. I try to push my memories of you being sick out of my mind. I want to remember you when you were well because to picture you sick again breaks my heart. I want to remember you as my loving, adorable grandpa who would laugh at his own jokes. Grief seems to be this roller coaster that you ride up and down, so I guess I'm just a little down at the moment.
I love you and I miss you,
Sis
Thursday, December 10, 2009
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
Habit
Grandpa,
Having you in my life for 28 years became so normal that I sometimes catch myself doing or saying things before a realize that you aren't here anymore. Some recent examples are.....
Shorty had her wedding shower and I was passing out cake to her guests. I had already packed up a piece of cake to take to dad and one for Aunt Lisa to take home to Uncle Doug. I went over to the table where grandma was and I stopped myself before I said the full sentence that started to come out. Out of habit I was about to ask grandma if she wanted me to wrap up a piece of cake so she could take it home to you. All that came out was "Grandma, do you...." and then I stopped because I realized what I was about to say. I played it off because had I not caught myself I'm pretty sure that it would have really upset grandma.
The other night I was writing out our list of people we are buying Christmas for so that we can determine our Christmas budget. Out of habit I wrote your name on the list and didn't think anything of it. As I was reading through the list again to come up with an amount to spend for each person I realized that I had written your name down. This made me upset because I already know that this will be our first Christmas without you, but I guess it made it real to have to cross you off the list. I won't get to get you your Old Spice, shaving set, socks, and handkerchiefs like every other year. You always knew what you were getting but we still wrapped it, you asked for what you needed and it was the same thing every year.
When I catch myself doing these things I think it's silly, like I shouldn't be so dumb to make these mistakes. You are gone and I know this. But then again sometimes I feel like I could walk into your house and there you'll be sitting in your recliner telling me to come over and give you a kiss as soon as I step foot in the door.
Having you in my life for 28 years became so normal that I sometimes catch myself doing or saying things before a realize that you aren't here anymore. Some recent examples are.....
Shorty had her wedding shower and I was passing out cake to her guests. I had already packed up a piece of cake to take to dad and one for Aunt Lisa to take home to Uncle Doug. I went over to the table where grandma was and I stopped myself before I said the full sentence that started to come out. Out of habit I was about to ask grandma if she wanted me to wrap up a piece of cake so she could take it home to you. All that came out was "Grandma, do you...." and then I stopped because I realized what I was about to say. I played it off because had I not caught myself I'm pretty sure that it would have really upset grandma.
The other night I was writing out our list of people we are buying Christmas for so that we can determine our Christmas budget. Out of habit I wrote your name on the list and didn't think anything of it. As I was reading through the list again to come up with an amount to spend for each person I realized that I had written your name down. This made me upset because I already know that this will be our first Christmas without you, but I guess it made it real to have to cross you off the list. I won't get to get you your Old Spice, shaving set, socks, and handkerchiefs like every other year. You always knew what you were getting but we still wrapped it, you asked for what you needed and it was the same thing every year.
When I catch myself doing these things I think it's silly, like I shouldn't be so dumb to make these mistakes. You are gone and I know this. But then again sometimes I feel like I could walk into your house and there you'll be sitting in your recliner telling me to come over and give you a kiss as soon as I step foot in the door.
Friday, August 7, 2009
Request
Grandpa-
There are two very special little girls where you are and I miss them so much. Nate's gorgeous little girlfriends were taken from us when they were just under 6 months old, this just breaks my heart. Please make sure that they are taken care of for me. I know you'll show them all the love you have and I love you even more for that.
Missing you everyday,
Sis
There are two very special little girls where you are and I miss them so much. Nate's gorgeous little girlfriends were taken from us when they were just under 6 months old, this just breaks my heart. Please make sure that they are taken care of for me. I know you'll show them all the love you have and I love you even more for that.
Missing you everyday,
Sis
Uncle Andy
Grandpa I'm sure you already know, but Uncle Andy passed away this week. He was in the hospital when Mom took grandma to see him. It was already heartbreaking because they were losing a brother-in-law and an uncle, but it was especially hard because it brought back their memories of you. Being that you are identical twins they said it looked just like you lying in that hospital bed. Uncle Andy was getting angry about the c-pap mask on his face just like you did, he told the nurses that if they put it on him again he was going to break it.....this was almost word for word what you told the nurses.
I remember when we were little that if we saw Uncle Andy we would think he was you. One instance that I remember is when we were in Wal-Mart, all four of us were with mom and we were all younger. We saw Uncle Andy ahead in an isle and we were trying to get his attention "grandpa! grandpa!" He came over to us to tell us that he was your brother, our uncle and not our grandpa. Being young we didn't quite understand because "you look like my grandpa so you must be grandpa." I came to understand even the slightest of differences that made you unique. Although Uncle Andy was sweet I could tell that he wasn't you when he talked. You had a tone to your voice when you would speak, so sweet and so caring. I could tell in your voice just how wonderful you were and how much you loved us. You had a goofy little face you would make when you were trying to be silly and when you would smile it was contagious.
The evening before Uncle Andy passed he was in his hospital room asking everyone if they saw his arm being pulled? When they told him no he said "you can't see him, Amo is standing right here pulling on my arm telling me to come on." Amo was Uncle Andy's nickname for you, were you there with him grandpa? I bet it brought him comfort knowing that you were waiting on him. I wish I could have been in that room just to feel your presence.
Mom said Uncle Andy told everyone that night that he wasn't dealing as well with your death as it appeared. Your bond is only something a twin can understand, he said that you were one person split into two people. He said that when you died he felt like half of himself died and then he told everyone in the room that he was ready to let the other half go. That is so very sweet that you had such an amazing bond, but on the other hand it makes me so incredibly sad for Uncle Andy to know he was going through that amount of grief but didn't want to upset everyone by saying how he felt.
Now you, Uncle Andy, and Uncle Harold are together again. All four Geesy boys can be together, you three can join your brother that died in the war. You, Uncle Andy, and Uncle Harold all passed away this year within 6 months of each other. I hope it brought comfort to each of you knowing that when you passed you had a brother waiting for you.
I love you very much! There's not a day that goes by that you don't pop into my mind, I miss you!
I remember when we were little that if we saw Uncle Andy we would think he was you. One instance that I remember is when we were in Wal-Mart, all four of us were with mom and we were all younger. We saw Uncle Andy ahead in an isle and we were trying to get his attention "grandpa! grandpa!" He came over to us to tell us that he was your brother, our uncle and not our grandpa. Being young we didn't quite understand because "you look like my grandpa so you must be grandpa." I came to understand even the slightest of differences that made you unique. Although Uncle Andy was sweet I could tell that he wasn't you when he talked. You had a tone to your voice when you would speak, so sweet and so caring. I could tell in your voice just how wonderful you were and how much you loved us. You had a goofy little face you would make when you were trying to be silly and when you would smile it was contagious.
The evening before Uncle Andy passed he was in his hospital room asking everyone if they saw his arm being pulled? When they told him no he said "you can't see him, Amo is standing right here pulling on my arm telling me to come on." Amo was Uncle Andy's nickname for you, were you there with him grandpa? I bet it brought him comfort knowing that you were waiting on him. I wish I could have been in that room just to feel your presence.
Mom said Uncle Andy told everyone that night that he wasn't dealing as well with your death as it appeared. Your bond is only something a twin can understand, he said that you were one person split into two people. He said that when you died he felt like half of himself died and then he told everyone in the room that he was ready to let the other half go. That is so very sweet that you had such an amazing bond, but on the other hand it makes me so incredibly sad for Uncle Andy to know he was going through that amount of grief but didn't want to upset everyone by saying how he felt.
Now you, Uncle Andy, and Uncle Harold are together again. All four Geesy boys can be together, you three can join your brother that died in the war. You, Uncle Andy, and Uncle Harold all passed away this year within 6 months of each other. I hope it brought comfort to each of you knowing that when you passed you had a brother waiting for you.
I love you very much! There's not a day that goes by that you don't pop into my mind, I miss you!
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