Happy (grand) Father's Day

Grandpa,

Today we had a fun day at mom and dad's house, a father's day cookout. We were already at the house and mom was on her way back home because she went to pick up Bess. Grandma walked in the house and was already crying at this point. I just hugged her and she said today was a tough day, our first father's day without you. I try to push things like this out of my mind because if I didn't I would always be sad. Today I couldn't help but miss you because all of us were there, Darb and Bob, and grandma and grandpa Boyd too. I felt sad for mom today because dad got to spend father's day with his dad, but mom had to place a father's day ribbon on your grave. They went out to your grave site today to pay remembrances to you, my sisters went as well. Mom asked me if I wanted to come and go to your grave with them, but I declined her offer. I just can't go to that cemetery! I can't see your name on a tombstone, it breaks my heart because I miss you so very much! I can't even look at a picture of you without feeling the ache of sadness. I called Greg on Friday crying while Nate and I were sitting in the car at Meijer because I was missing you. Nate and I had went into Meijer to get a father's day gift for Greg's dad. He wanted some pocket t-shirts and I started to get upset just shopping for those because those were the shirts that you always wore. In the same section I saw handkerchiefs and that further upset me because you always had one in your pocket. I wasn't crying in the store or anything I just got really sad with a few tears rolling down my face. When Nate and I got in the car I got in the glove box to get out a cd and I saw your handkerchief that I was keeping in there, one that I bought you for Christmas embroidered with your initial. This was the point that I actually started crying, I was actually crying to the point where Nate started crying because me being upset was making him upset. I don't know why because it only made it worse but I smelled the handkerchief, grandma had washed it but it was in your drawer when she gave it to me. It still smells like you, like your cologne.

Just when I get to where I think I'm getting better at missing you so much something simple can remind me of you and the grief feels like someone has punched me in the face. You were so wonderful I couldn't have asked for a more loving grandpa. I don't know how you did it, so many grandkids yet you had enough love to spread around making each one of us feel like you loved us the most. I can't thank you enough for the love you've given me and I'm grateful that I was so close to you. Because I love you so much is why losing you still continues to hurt this bad.

I love you, I miss you. I wish I could have just one more hug!
~Sis~