Happy Birthday Nathaniel......

Grandpa,

Today is Nathaniel's 1st birthday and while I'm happy, this day is bittersweet for a couple of reasons. One of those reasons being that you are not here to enjoy it with us. I'm just thinking about how fun it would be to have you at his party and how I know you thought the world of your great-grandson. I remember how goofy you were at Ethan's 1st birthday party.....there were all the little kids wearing their birthday hats and you with one on too. ................I was hoping to have a fun memory like that of Nathaniel's party.


I remember how anxious you were to see Nathaniel for the first time. He was three weeks old when you first got to hold him, we had came into town for Relay for Life. You had to hold him for a specific amount of time because you said he needed to get used to you and know your smell so that he would know who you were. The moment you got to hold him you were crazy about him, you said he looked just like his daddy.

Since you didn't get to see Nathaniel as much as you'd like to we called you and grandma at least one a week so you could hear him. I'd put the phone up to his ear and he'd just grin when he heard your voice. You would always want me to get him giggling because you loved hearing his laugh. Anytime we would come to Winchester for a visit you would patiently wait your turn to hold him, but when you got him you weren't going to give him up to anyone. Nathaniel loved his great-grandpa Geesy snuggles, I guess it was comforting to him because he would just cuddle up with you and most of the time would fall asleep.

The last picture I have of you and Nathaniel was taken two weeks before you died. You can tell by the big smile on his face that he loved his papaw Goose! You were trying to smile, but you just didn't have the energy. You went to the hospital that next week and when we came to visit you, you got to hold Nathaniel for the last time. He was so good that day, just smiling at you, giving you cuddles, he was laughing out loud like you loved. You would be so proud of Nathaniel now. He's a year old today and getting so big. He's talking more and more and is starting to walk, he's taken three steps.

I wish you were here so that we could create more memories like the ones I cherish now. But, wanting you here is for my own selfish reasons because I'm not strong enough dealing with the grief. You are in a better place now and no longer sick, to want you here in that state would be extremely selfish on my part. You are gone, life goes on but there is always the want and what ifs that hold you back. I guess what I'm saying is that I'm ok without you, but I would much rather have you here. I am missing you today....I love you so much!

Here is Nathaniel's one year picture......I wanted you to see it.