Where you are......

Mom-

I'm not sure where you are but I hope that you are happy. I hope that you can see me; I hope that you are proud of how we are taking care of Dad. I hope that you are with Grandpa and the rest of your family. They say that where you are is a place with no pain and I hope this is true. Where I am is a place with pain, I'm in a place with tremendous pain. My heart is aching and I can't get it to stop. I miss you, I need you here. I need to be able to call you three times a week or whenever else I need you. I can't believe that you didn't live to see my 30th birthday. I need my son to remember his Mimi. I need my newest nephews to spend their first Christmas with you. I need my Dad to stop crying, I need our lives to be normal. This is the hardest thing I've ever had to do and I don't want to do this. I shouldn't have to miss you, you should be here. I shouldn't have to be this angry and question everything. I shouldn't have to cry myself to sleep at night. I shouldn't have to, damn it I shouldn't have to.........this is too soon.