Thursday, December 10, 2009
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
Habit
Grandpa,
Having you in my life for 28 years became so normal that I sometimes catch myself doing or saying things before a realize that you aren't here anymore. Some recent examples are.....
Shorty had her wedding shower and I was passing out cake to her guests. I had already packed up a piece of cake to take to dad and one for Aunt Lisa to take home to Uncle Doug. I went over to the table where grandma was and I stopped myself before I said the full sentence that started to come out. Out of habit I was about to ask grandma if she wanted me to wrap up a piece of cake so she could take it home to you. All that came out was "Grandma, do you...." and then I stopped because I realized what I was about to say. I played it off because had I not caught myself I'm pretty sure that it would have really upset grandma.
The other night I was writing out our list of people we are buying Christmas for so that we can determine our Christmas budget. Out of habit I wrote your name on the list and didn't think anything of it. As I was reading through the list again to come up with an amount to spend for each person I realized that I had written your name down. This made me upset because I already know that this will be our first Christmas without you, but I guess it made it real to have to cross you off the list. I won't get to get you your Old Spice, shaving set, socks, and handkerchiefs like every other year. You always knew what you were getting but we still wrapped it, you asked for what you needed and it was the same thing every year.
When I catch myself doing these things I think it's silly, like I shouldn't be so dumb to make these mistakes. You are gone and I know this. But then again sometimes I feel like I could walk into your house and there you'll be sitting in your recliner telling me to come over and give you a kiss as soon as I step foot in the door.
Having you in my life for 28 years became so normal that I sometimes catch myself doing or saying things before a realize that you aren't here anymore. Some recent examples are.....
Shorty had her wedding shower and I was passing out cake to her guests. I had already packed up a piece of cake to take to dad and one for Aunt Lisa to take home to Uncle Doug. I went over to the table where grandma was and I stopped myself before I said the full sentence that started to come out. Out of habit I was about to ask grandma if she wanted me to wrap up a piece of cake so she could take it home to you. All that came out was "Grandma, do you...." and then I stopped because I realized what I was about to say. I played it off because had I not caught myself I'm pretty sure that it would have really upset grandma.
The other night I was writing out our list of people we are buying Christmas for so that we can determine our Christmas budget. Out of habit I wrote your name on the list and didn't think anything of it. As I was reading through the list again to come up with an amount to spend for each person I realized that I had written your name down. This made me upset because I already know that this will be our first Christmas without you, but I guess it made it real to have to cross you off the list. I won't get to get you your Old Spice, shaving set, socks, and handkerchiefs like every other year. You always knew what you were getting but we still wrapped it, you asked for what you needed and it was the same thing every year.
When I catch myself doing these things I think it's silly, like I shouldn't be so dumb to make these mistakes. You are gone and I know this. But then again sometimes I feel like I could walk into your house and there you'll be sitting in your recliner telling me to come over and give you a kiss as soon as I step foot in the door.
Friday, August 7, 2009
Request
Grandpa-
There are two very special little girls where you are and I miss them so much. Nate's gorgeous little girlfriends were taken from us when they were just under 6 months old, this just breaks my heart. Please make sure that they are taken care of for me. I know you'll show them all the love you have and I love you even more for that.
Missing you everyday,
Sis
There are two very special little girls where you are and I miss them so much. Nate's gorgeous little girlfriends were taken from us when they were just under 6 months old, this just breaks my heart. Please make sure that they are taken care of for me. I know you'll show them all the love you have and I love you even more for that.
Missing you everyday,
Sis
Uncle Andy
Grandpa I'm sure you already know, but Uncle Andy passed away this week. He was in the hospital when Mom took grandma to see him. It was already heartbreaking because they were losing a brother-in-law and an uncle, but it was especially hard because it brought back their memories of you. Being that you are identical twins they said it looked just like you lying in that hospital bed. Uncle Andy was getting angry about the c-pap mask on his face just like you did, he told the nurses that if they put it on him again he was going to break it.....this was almost word for word what you told the nurses.
I remember when we were little that if we saw Uncle Andy we would think he was you. One instance that I remember is when we were in Wal-Mart, all four of us were with mom and we were all younger. We saw Uncle Andy ahead in an isle and we were trying to get his attention "grandpa! grandpa!" He came over to us to tell us that he was your brother, our uncle and not our grandpa. Being young we didn't quite understand because "you look like my grandpa so you must be grandpa." I came to understand even the slightest of differences that made you unique. Although Uncle Andy was sweet I could tell that he wasn't you when he talked. You had a tone to your voice when you would speak, so sweet and so caring. I could tell in your voice just how wonderful you were and how much you loved us. You had a goofy little face you would make when you were trying to be silly and when you would smile it was contagious.
The evening before Uncle Andy passed he was in his hospital room asking everyone if they saw his arm being pulled? When they told him no he said "you can't see him, Amo is standing right here pulling on my arm telling me to come on." Amo was Uncle Andy's nickname for you, were you there with him grandpa? I bet it brought him comfort knowing that you were waiting on him. I wish I could have been in that room just to feel your presence.
Mom said Uncle Andy told everyone that night that he wasn't dealing as well with your death as it appeared. Your bond is only something a twin can understand, he said that you were one person split into two people. He said that when you died he felt like half of himself died and then he told everyone in the room that he was ready to let the other half go. That is so very sweet that you had such an amazing bond, but on the other hand it makes me so incredibly sad for Uncle Andy to know he was going through that amount of grief but didn't want to upset everyone by saying how he felt.
Now you, Uncle Andy, and Uncle Harold are together again. All four Geesy boys can be together, you three can join your brother that died in the war. You, Uncle Andy, and Uncle Harold all passed away this year within 6 months of each other. I hope it brought comfort to each of you knowing that when you passed you had a brother waiting for you.
I love you very much! There's not a day that goes by that you don't pop into my mind, I miss you!
I remember when we were little that if we saw Uncle Andy we would think he was you. One instance that I remember is when we were in Wal-Mart, all four of us were with mom and we were all younger. We saw Uncle Andy ahead in an isle and we were trying to get his attention "grandpa! grandpa!" He came over to us to tell us that he was your brother, our uncle and not our grandpa. Being young we didn't quite understand because "you look like my grandpa so you must be grandpa." I came to understand even the slightest of differences that made you unique. Although Uncle Andy was sweet I could tell that he wasn't you when he talked. You had a tone to your voice when you would speak, so sweet and so caring. I could tell in your voice just how wonderful you were and how much you loved us. You had a goofy little face you would make when you were trying to be silly and when you would smile it was contagious.
The evening before Uncle Andy passed he was in his hospital room asking everyone if they saw his arm being pulled? When they told him no he said "you can't see him, Amo is standing right here pulling on my arm telling me to come on." Amo was Uncle Andy's nickname for you, were you there with him grandpa? I bet it brought him comfort knowing that you were waiting on him. I wish I could have been in that room just to feel your presence.
Mom said Uncle Andy told everyone that night that he wasn't dealing as well with your death as it appeared. Your bond is only something a twin can understand, he said that you were one person split into two people. He said that when you died he felt like half of himself died and then he told everyone in the room that he was ready to let the other half go. That is so very sweet that you had such an amazing bond, but on the other hand it makes me so incredibly sad for Uncle Andy to know he was going through that amount of grief but didn't want to upset everyone by saying how he felt.
Now you, Uncle Andy, and Uncle Harold are together again. All four Geesy boys can be together, you three can join your brother that died in the war. You, Uncle Andy, and Uncle Harold all passed away this year within 6 months of each other. I hope it brought comfort to each of you knowing that when you passed you had a brother waiting for you.
I love you very much! There's not a day that goes by that you don't pop into my mind, I miss you!
Friday, July 10, 2009
THIS WEEK...........
This week has been a constant reminder that you're gone........
Tuesday: Grandma had to celebrate your 59th wedding anniversary without you.
Thursday: We had to continue on with our day knowing we should have been eating cake for your birthday.
TODAY: Greg and I are celebrating our 5th wedding anniversary.
I got nostalgic today and was looking through my wedding scrapbooks. I made it through the books smiling even though you were in a few pictures, but the last picture of one of the scrapbooks brought me to tears. It's a picture of you and I dancing at my reception which is, with the exception of becoming Mrs. Twiford, a top memory of my wedding day. I had danced with my new husband and with my dad, but mom had the DJ call us out to the dance floor for a dance. We danced to "My girl" that song was so fitting because you made all the women you loved feel like they were the most important girl in your life. Since your birthday was the day before my wedding as we were dancing you told me that getting to dance with me on my wedding day was the best birthday present you got that year and that you were so happy you got to live to see this day. If only I had known that you would be gone a few years after our dance I would have asked the DJ to play the song again. I would have danced longer, I would have told you over and over how much a love you. I should have told you what a wonderful man you are and how you much you mean to me.
I am so happy that I got the chance to create such a wonderful memory of us on my wedding day. You were so adorable all dressed up in your little suit. Shorty is getting married in October and I wish that she could dance with you at her wedding. I remember that I started crying at Jami and Sam's wedding just because you were walking out to the dance floor to dance with her. Mom asked me what was wrong and all I could say was "grandpa is dancing with Jami, he's wearing a suit." I really had no reason to cry like that over you dancing with her, but it was just so sweet seeing you two. I was thinking "I want that on my wedding day."
The love you had for our family was so amazing, I could just watch you and see that you loved all of us but in a slightly different way. There was the love I saw when you were with grandma, you would give her kisses and hold her hand. There was the love of a father I would see when you were around mom, aunt Sharon, aunt Debbie, and uncle Doug. There was the love of a grandfather that I got to witness first hand, you even extended that love to your great-grandchildren. You made those that married into our family feel like they had been a part of it all along. I hope that my marriage is as long and wonderful as you and grandma's. I also hope that I will be an amazing parent and grandparent to my family as you've been to ours.
I love you,
~Sis~
Tuesday: Grandma had to celebrate your 59th wedding anniversary without you.
Thursday: We had to continue on with our day knowing we should have been eating cake for your birthday.
TODAY: Greg and I are celebrating our 5th wedding anniversary.
I got nostalgic today and was looking through my wedding scrapbooks. I made it through the books smiling even though you were in a few pictures, but the last picture of one of the scrapbooks brought me to tears. It's a picture of you and I dancing at my reception which is, with the exception of becoming Mrs. Twiford, a top memory of my wedding day. I had danced with my new husband and with my dad, but mom had the DJ call us out to the dance floor for a dance. We danced to "My girl" that song was so fitting because you made all the women you loved feel like they were the most important girl in your life. Since your birthday was the day before my wedding as we were dancing you told me that getting to dance with me on my wedding day was the best birthday present you got that year and that you were so happy you got to live to see this day. If only I had known that you would be gone a few years after our dance I would have asked the DJ to play the song again. I would have danced longer, I would have told you over and over how much a love you. I should have told you what a wonderful man you are and how you much you mean to me.
I am so happy that I got the chance to create such a wonderful memory of us on my wedding day. You were so adorable all dressed up in your little suit. Shorty is getting married in October and I wish that she could dance with you at her wedding. I remember that I started crying at Jami and Sam's wedding just because you were walking out to the dance floor to dance with her. Mom asked me what was wrong and all I could say was "grandpa is dancing with Jami, he's wearing a suit." I really had no reason to cry like that over you dancing with her, but it was just so sweet seeing you two. I was thinking "I want that on my wedding day."
The love you had for our family was so amazing, I could just watch you and see that you loved all of us but in a slightly different way. There was the love I saw when you were with grandma, you would give her kisses and hold her hand. There was the love of a father I would see when you were around mom, aunt Sharon, aunt Debbie, and uncle Doug. There was the love of a grandfather that I got to witness first hand, you even extended that love to your great-grandchildren. You made those that married into our family feel like they had been a part of it all along. I hope that my marriage is as long and wonderful as you and grandma's. I also hope that I will be an amazing parent and grandparent to my family as you've been to ours.
I love you,
~Sis~
Thursday, July 9, 2009
Happy Birthday!
I am thinking about you today, this would have been your birthday. I should be coming home to visit you, calling to sing to you, giving you a gift of handkerchiefs and pocket t-shirts because those were the things you liked. But, instead I am just sad and missing you today because I can't do any of those things. I'm also thinking of grandma today, two days ago was your anniversary and today your birthday. It's just alot for her to deal with this week.
The fact that it's such a rainy, dark day outside doesn't help my sadness.....I feel like crying today! I just miss you so very much! I don't think anything will fill this void I have from missing you but this is life, we lose the ones we love and are forced to live on without them.
Missing you today and everyday,
~Sis~
The fact that it's such a rainy, dark day outside doesn't help my sadness.....I feel like crying today! I just miss you so very much! I don't think anything will fill this void I have from missing you but this is life, we lose the ones we love and are forced to live on without them.
Missing you today and everyday,
~Sis~
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
Happy Anniversary
Today is your 59th wedding anniversary and my heart is breaking for grandma today. I called her and she of course got me crying, she misses you so much! She said that she went out to the cemetery to visit you and gave you a rose for your anniversary, very sweet. I tried to change the subject when I was talking to her on the phone, but it kept coming around about you. I know that grandma is loved today and we are all checking on her, but no amount of love from our family will fix the pain she is experiencing today. This was her first anniversary without her husband and I'm sure that she feels lost today.
I love you! I miss you bunches!
~Sis~
I love you! I miss you bunches!
~Sis~
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)